Dobbiamo esserci. Di Sahara Rossi

da | Mar 31, 2020 | Articoli | 341 commenti

Dobbiamo esserci. Di Sahara Rossi

Com’è avere 20 anni nel 2020, nel bel mezzo di una quarantena che impone al corpo e alla mente di stare fermi? Questa è la testimonianza di una brillante ragazza degli anni 2000, che ci parla delle sue paure, delle sue speranze, e di come l’analisi bioenergetica la stia aiutando un po’ ad esserci.

 

Dobbiamo esserci

di Sahara Rossi

 

Una sera han cantato, fuori dalle finestre, e mio padre ha applaudito entusiasta, dicendomi :“Dobbiamo esserci.” Che poi non ho nemmeno ben capito dove, ché qui io mi sento costantemente privata del mio centro, un po’ ondeggiante e molliccia quasi come non avessi ossa o staticità.

Dobbiamo esserci. Eppure è strana; la vita ed il suo metodico andare. Una sera han accesso le torce e spento le luci delle case tutte attorno. La città assopita per un momento è crollata in un’ombra soporifera e scura. Poi s’è svegliata lieve. E siamo rimasti tutti in silenzio, lo ricordo bene. Ed io mi son semplicemente chiesta quando tutto questo terminerà.

Ché mi mancano tante cose. Le mattine di sole nella piazza della mia università, quando ci sedevamo sotto agli alberi a fumare. Un po’ mi manca Emanuel ed il suo sguardo liquido e sereno, il caffè che puntualmente mi offriva, che si confondeva sempre ed aggiungeva lo zucchero, nonostante sappia che io lo preferisca amaro. Mi manca Ale e la sua arte sempre nascosta nelle tasche larghe del giubbotto ruvido, ed il sorriso furbo di chi a breve conquisterà il mondo. Mi manca Eleonora e la sua pelle diafana e le lentiggini belle, e quel profumo dolce di pulito che si portava dietro ovunque andasse. E Francisco col suo coraggio variopinto e scintillante, la risata fragorosa ed i tacchi alti, con cui sapeva camminare così bene.

Dobbiamo esserci e a volte nemmeno mi ricordo più dove. Che penso, quando tutto questo terminerà, vorrei sedermi ad un tavolino di un bar all’aperto, sotto ad un ombrellone bianco. Vorrei ordinare una birra rossa e cantare la mia canzone preferita mentre l’auto sfreccia sull’autostrada, e scorgere qua e là qualche stella fuligginosa nel cielo, che quando potevo farlo, non le guardavo nemmeno più. Mi piacerebbe afferrare stretta la mano di Lorenzo e dirgli che lo amo, che potremo scappare da qualche parte quella notte stessa, o che potremo accostarci poco più avanti e fare l’amore.

Dobbiamo esserci, eppure non ricordo nemmeno più il giorno. E’ sabato, è ancora marzo. Ho fatto un dolce per colazione con il cocco e le barbabietole; è un’umida giornata di inizio primavera. Un po’ fa freddo, il cielo è nuvoloso. Ho parlato a lungo con la mia psicoterapeuta e la connessione al mio telefono andava e veniva; un po’ mi manca il suo studio giallo e la luce soffusa; mi manca l’aria accogliente ed i cuscini ricamati e lei che col suo sorriso sincero mi chiedeva: “Come stai?”. Che mi piacerebbe che qualcuno me lo chiedesse ancora, come sto. Cosa sento davvero. Mi ha detto di fare i soliti esercizi, quando arriva il momento oscuro. E allora vado in bend over e cerco di ritrovarmi un po’ più ancorata alla terra, che delle volte mi sembra quasi di lievitare altrove. Faccio pressione sulla mia fronte e poi sul petto e sulla pancia, perché i pensieri, maledetti e capricciosi, tendono a scappare un po’ ovunque e rimetterli al proprio posto non è mai così facile.

A casa mamma e papà litigano spesso, io a volte scappo in terrazzo, all’ultimo piano, per guardare il cielo. Poi mi capita di sentire musiche lontane ed i vicini che gridano a loro volta, e qualcuno dice perfino che non ce la fa più. Che ha paura. E lo ammetto, ho paura anch’io.

Dobbiamo esserci, mi piacerebbe sapere come. Che qui siamo diventati ombre di vetro senza forma, spaventati ed immensamente fragili. Incrinati. E la città continua a dormire, ed un po’ vorrei dormire anche io. Mi son rifugiata nella mia stanza e mi son tirata le coperte fin sopra la fronte.

Sarà per un’altra volta, mi son detta. Buonanotte;

Buonanotte.

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